If you haven’t read Linda Leigh Hargrove’s funny and thoughtful post about her recent reconciliation epiphany, please check it out. It concerns Little Bill, the gently instructive animated series from Bill Cosby that I used to watch all the time when my kids were younger. (I think one of the more bittersweet byproducts of our kids growing up is that we don’t get to watch certain TV shows anymore; I can’t tell you how much I miss VeggieTales and Blues Clues.)
In any event, I always appreciate Linda’s insight and vulnerability. For those of you who don’t know her, in addition to being a blogger she’s also an accomplished novelist. You can get info about her latest books here.
Confession here:
I love Veggie Tales. I discovered Veggie Tales in college and owned multiple videos even before my daughter was born. That there is some funny stuff, and clean too.
So go right ahead and watch those Veggie Tales.
I’ve found that fully half of the “funny” in Veggie Tales is there for the parents, and goes right over the kids’ heads.
Good stuff, that.
Little Bill is a favorite in my home for both my boys (14 & 3). We spent three years living in Philadelphia while I went to graduate school there at PBU, so seeing Philly scenes in the animation always tickles us when we can recognize them. My boys’ childhood worlds have been much more culturally integrated (like the world of Little Bill) than either of those of my wife or myself growing up, and I enjoy shows like Little Bill, which show integration of cultures as something natural and normal (without the ridiculous “walking on eggshells” hat-tipping to every culture to ensure no one possibly could be offended). While my politics don’t align much with Mr. Cosby’s, I’ve long admired his willingness to take hits for his insistence on personal responsibility and initiative, even in the face of an honest assessment of undeserved and unjust obstacles placed in one’s path. Little Bill just rocks!
Little Bill is magnificent. My 19 year old college junior daughter and I watched the other day, just for fun.
I appreciated Linda’s thoughts on that brief interaction, but it brings to mind a question I’ve pondered on occasion. How can those of us more melanin-challenged “safely” use skin color as a simple description, or is it even possible? If I’m asked to describe someone to someone else, I’m going to try to focus on distinctive characteristics like hair color and height. If the other people within the context in question are predominantly, say, Asian (as at a friend’s church here in the area), and the person in question is white, I wouldn’t skip a beat in saying, “You know, the tall white guy with curly hair”.
But if the person is black and the group more weighted to white people, I find myself actively trying to give a description without mentioning skin color, for fear of someone hearing some undesired and unintentional racial interpretation to whatever I say. Even though it might quickly narrow the field of who I’m talking about, and even though the person I would be most concerned about offending — the person I would be describing — is by definition not around (because I’m trying to describe him) and wouldn’t hear me anyway.
Am I making sense here? I think this speaks to a frustration many white people have over being afraid their words will be interpreted with negative racial connotation when they didn’t intend any such thing, like what was happening in Linda’s head when the “tall man” compared her appearance with Little Bill’s mom. If we can set aside the flat-out boorish comments (”hey look, a black lady!” well, duh) that would be rude no matter the subject or context, is there a way to ease the tension and suspicion we feel that we’re constantly on trial?
Granted, I’m sure you’ve all talked about this before, but I’m new here so I thought I’d share my thoughts. Sorry if this is rehashing old topics.
Joel,
Great question! I love it. I actually think the fear of “messing up” is more the issue than the minority getting mad. I think it is safe to say that if you say…
” The tall African American fellow with the…”
is perfectly fine. I think the issue is more the internal fear that seems to be unwarranted. Granted I do think there are folks who (very few) who are just wanted to pick a fight but I really think this is the exception and not the rule.
I think this “fear” of saying something wrong would be relieved if/when white people (as you put it so bluntly) start having relationships with folks of color. I think then this fear would be erased because they are no longer guessing or assuming but rather have had conversations with folks and know whether or not what they are saying is really offensive.
I do think this fears are more from isolation and ignorance then actual reality.
In practical terms… If people had black friends they would know that describing someone as “the tall black guy with the..” is perfectly fine and doesn’t need to be analyzed in any way shape or form.
You feel me Joel? I know I ramble a lot but I hope this makes sense. Great topic man!
Joel,
Wow, this is a good question. I appreciate your honesty here. Also, I think Aaron is correct that a lot of these thorny topics could be defused (sorry to mix metaphors) if we had more authentic—and more numerous—relationships across racial and cultural lines.
On the other hand, I think it’s important for African Americans and people of color in general to not be overly sensitive to some of the words whites use to describe or discuss African Americans or people of other cultures or ethnicities. Sometimes, I think we have our attenae up and are ready to pounce on white folks when they make certain comments, because we’re eager to show them how “bigoted” or “uninformed” they are. However, I would surmise that most of the time it’s not racist talk but simply an innocent and honest comment.
Now, if it’s something that’s really “off” (I think of Ross Perot’s infamous “You people” remark or the recent “uppity” comments aimed at Barack Obama), then we should be able to graciously point out why those words can come across as offensive without making our white friends feel like they can never speak freely and naturally around their black or non-white friends lest they say something “racist.”
I think it’s unfair for us to, in effect, verbally castrate people this way. IMO, the only way we’re going to have meaningful conversations and relationships across racial lines is if we feel comfortable saying what’s on our minds without the threat of constant rebuke. At least that’s been my feeling about the matter. I’m sure there are some other opinions out there. Like Joel, I’d love to hear your perspectives regarding this tricky subject.
No rambling, Aaron, and I think you’re right on — it all really comes down to personal relationships. My hypotheticals aside, I would say I’m personally much more comfortable in such situations than I used to be, but I know I used to be fairly uncomfortable with the fear and I know and have witnessed that others are as well. I think it runs deeper than this kind of example, though. It really stems from the feeling of being on trial I mentioned, the fear that people always need to be on guard to somehow constantly prove they’re not racist in one way or another.
I remember back when I was in college I took a 3-week J-term “cross cultural” course in Philly, and as a part of the course we all watched a video specifically about African American-Caucasian race relations. It was mostly geared toward a Caucasian audience, and there was good stuff in there about checking your assumptions regarding how society works and our position in it and whatnot. But the general thrust of the video was, “If you’re white, you’re racist in some way whether you realize it or not.” I have to tell you, that’s pretty harsh, and is a surefire way to put someone in a defensive posture real quick.
I have personally found it more useful to think in terms of realizing that no matter who we are, we all have preferences and biases (positive and negative) that we learn from our past and present environment, we are all uncomfortable to varying degrees with the unfamiliar, and we are all guilty at one time or another of allowing ourselves to think in terms of stereotypes and generalizations instead of people. And ultimately I think you’re absolutely right, that the cure for that can’t be a boil-the-ocean approach, but has to happen one person and one relationship at a time, making real relationships with real people and actively making the unfamiliar less so.
Right, so who’s rambling now? How’s that for a roundabout way to say, “I agree.”
Posted before I saw your reply, Ed. I think you hit the nail on the head with one word — Grace. Especially in the Body of Christ, there has to be a measure of grace given all around, or we’re never going to get anywhere.
Joel,
I am with you on so many levels! One thing I have noticed over the years is how bad folks have tackled the race problem.
For example I will never forget about this one “guy” who opened by calling everyone in the room a racist. What? I just wanted to shrink in my seat and say… “I am not with this guy!”
So yes I think the approach is very important and if done wrong some really good truths will be lost in the delivery. It is a fragile issue that has to invite people to dialogue instead of push people further away.
I am reminded of 1 Cor. 13… The chapter about love. It says even if we speak with the tongues of angels and have “all knowledge” yet we don’t have love then we sound like a clanging symbol instead of words of truth.
In a nut shell even if one has the truth it has to be in the context of love that “believes all things” which means to believe well of people.
GRACE ALL DAY EVERYDAY!
Preach it, man. You’re all over it. God has entrusted to us the ministry of reconciliation. How can we bring a hurting world into reconciliation with God (not that we do it, but He does it through us) if we can’t even be reconciled to each other? Love and Grace, only through the power of Christ for whom nothing is impossible.
Wow, things have really been ‘chatty’ over here. This has been super. I hope it’s not too late for me to put in my bit.
Let me tell you, if you know I’ll be the only black at the Swiss Air terminal waiting for you to send someone to pick me up, please tell my ride home that I’m black. I will not be offended in the least.
I totally agree with all that’s been said. We need to operate in grace and knowledge. How do we do that if we’re always walking on eggshells or waiting for somebody to say the wrong thing. We can’t.
Somebody’s going say something wrong (regardless of skin color). Somebody’s gonna break some eggshells (ibid). That’s the price of reconciliation. You’re going to look stupid sometime.
The more we rub up against each other hopefully/prayerfully our ‘oops and show-out moments’ will be less of a problem. The key is being willing to rub up against each other — on purpose.
Many blacks I know are race weary. And I think the color blind movement did nothing for bringing them around.
Many blacks I know are looking for a racist under every rock. Yes there is overt racism but it’s not everywhere. That shows a level of hot-headed immaturity that just ain’t Christ. We’ve got a long way to go.
But God is good and He is still in the business of working miracles. Even Little Bill-sized ones.
Ed,
I really appreciated Linda’s post, with it’s theme of grace. She illustrates what I have seen you talk about as the “Is it a race thing?” It seems the question comes up frequently for members of minority communities. Those in the majority rarely, if ever, question their interactions based on their race.
It has been a while now, OK, almost 20 years, but there was a time when all of a sudden friends and co-workers started calling me, “Doogie.” I didn’t have a TV at the time so was puzzled, but eventually I learned of Doogie Houser MD. This happened enough that there must have been some resemblance, but it never occurred to me to ask if it was because I was white.
I would wager that this dynamic goes beyond our culture. For instance, in Malaysia, do ethnic Chinese play “Is it a race thing?” as they interact with their ethnic Malay neighbors? Are there any sociologists in the house?
Joel’s question resonated with me as did the responses. There is plenty of room for grace on all fronts. The sad thing is that our interactions that “go off course” often make a very strong impression that are hard to recover from.
pew
Thanks for your thoughts, Doogie, er, I mean PEW.
I think you’re right. I’m sure “Is it a race thing?” does transcend cultures.
I also would guess that the phenomenon of a white person thinking that black woman looks like so-and-so, or a black person thinking that white guy looks like so-and-so is more common in situations where the observer doesn’t have as much regular, up-close contact with people of different races and cultures. So consequently, they fall back on comparing them to the most recognizable person of this or that race that they’re aware of. But I’m just speculating. Like you said, are there any sociologists in the house?
I think we may be complicating this deal just a little bit. In the original example, I could see where some racial stereotyping could have been at play since she was being compared to an animated character and not a real person. So maybe the person was just seeing hairstyle and haircolor. I don’t know.
A couple of examples, Maybe a few if I feel like it…
I was a substitute teachers aide for awhile and saw many different children. I saw a student once that looked eerily like Jamie Foxx. I didn’t think any of the other African American students looked like Jamie Foxx or any other African American I’ve ever seen, just this one student. I don’t think I was racially ignorant in my observation; the kid just looked like Jamie Foxx.
My father had surgery last week and I met his surgeon for the first time. My mom had met him previously and thought he resembled my husband. When I saw him my jaw almost dropped because they looked almost like they could have been twins, brothers for sure.
Sometimes people look like other people we’ve seen, and I guess humans think that’s remarkable generally because we usually say something about it. I guess it just makes sense that the two people that look alike would be of the same race, being that generally people of the same race share distinctive facial features.
Although this might not always be the case. I have a white friend named Dennis. A friend of mine who is also Dennis’ sister in law shared a story once of how she saw a Chinese Dennis walking down the street once. So I guess even though these two people were not the same race, at least my friend thought they looked alike. The story is also funny because every time she shares it at least one person thinks she says she saw a Chinese dentist once, and wonders through the whole story what made him look like a dentist and why she was so taken back by seeing a Chinese dentist.
I can see though why African Americans can be sensitive to this type of thing because one common notion is that “All blacks look alike” which is insulting and untrue.